BIRTH GRANDMOTHER LENA SHARES HER HEART
All names have been changed to protect privacy.
(Another successful adoption associated with Christian Adoption.)
My personal testimony of the adoption roller coaster ride began in the fall of 1999. I spent the months of late October and November in deep despair and depression.
My suspicions of my daughter, Ellie, being pregnant had become fact. I didn't want to get up in the mornings, I'd cry in my pillow, and I knew that suddenly our dreams of having an empty nest and me getting to travel with Dave on business was going to change. I prefer structure and organization and this was throwing everything out of kilter! I didn't think Ellie was mature enough to decide what she should do. She would seek advice from poor sources. I thought that she would think..."gee, a baby may be fun to name and dress up, and anyone else that would raise her would just spoil her with material things."
Eventually, through our family, pastor and prayer, I began to face the facts of the situation and move on to take care of the business at hand. Ellie, after reading books and praying about different options, told us she thought it would be best to place her baby for adoption. She didn't want her parents to raise her, the father was out of the picture, and she didn't have the money or education to make it on her own. This was a hard decision for her to make, that required total unselfishness and unconditional love for her child. She felt the baby actively moving inside her and she loved her before she was even born, and she wanted what's best for the baby.
We went to the doctor for her first ultrasound and Ellie saw this beautiful living child for the first time. It upset her and she started having second thoughts about adoption. She withdrew, and didn't even want to talk about it.
Then again, with heavy thoughts and prayer, she said she knew she couldn't raise this baby herself. From there we began to look on the Internet for waiting adoptive couples. We found 2 of interest to her, and E-mailed them right away.
One couple responded by E-mail several days later, but they didn't really ring any bells for us. The other couple called Ellie that very afternoon and they talked for 2 hours! We arranged to go visit them and everyone hit it off beautifully! She saw their home, farm, church, visited their friends, family and favorite cafe. This was the couple for her, she thought! In late January however, they received an opportunity to adopt twins immediately, and it was a sure thing, unlike their last 8 attempts. Ellie wasn't due until April and there was always the chance she could back out. So, they chose this twin opportunity. Ellie was very hurt, but she did understand.
Shortly after that, she got a call from James-her old boyfriend. The first contact with him, since she found out she was pregnant. He was angry and told her he wasn't signing a parental release at all, and wanted a paternity test to be done and if it was his baby, he'd spend every last dime he had to get custody of her. Ellie was so upset. Between that and the other couple adopting another child, she thought maybe God wants me to keep this baby, and James and I could split the expenses.
Again, with some time passing and not another word from James, she decided she was silly for thinking that would even work. We could only continue to pray that God would soften the heart of the birthfather and do what was right for the baby. She had her second ultrasound and found out it was a girl. This time the procedure didn't hurt her as much. Again we began our search for the family that God had in mind for her baby. One couple we tried on-line had just adopted a girl and didn't have their name off the records yet. Then she talked on the phone to a couple her doctor was related to and although they were crazy about her, they just weren't the couple she had in mind for her little girl. (And I had to be the one to break the news to them.) She visited personally with a local couple that a friend told us about. Before even meeting them, she thought for sure they must be the ones. No, they didn't make that special connection. We pursued an agency that was referred to us. After 2 visits with the agent, we didn't feel right about it. So many visits and consultations were required before we could even talk or visit a couple. They were very private and protective, which we felt was impersonal and we didn't trust. We were wanting an open and personal relationship with the adoptive couple. We were also told that agencies get anywhere from $15,000-$20,000 from couples using their services, and often the child would be 10-15 years old before they were ever "paid off"! I don't think God intends on people getting in that kind of debt.
So, I got back on the Internet, to: www.christianadoption.com There was a couple listed that we hadn't seen before! They were just what Ellie was wanting in a couple. They were a young, slim, Christian childless couple. They lived on a farm and loved outdoor activities. I called Deborah Hill, the administrator for Christian Adoption and had an awesome conversation with her. Suddenly we were convinced that we shouldn't be going through an agency, but we should be pursuing independent adoption. She told me this couple, Mr. & Mrs. Green, had been disappointed 6 times with birthmother matches and that they were considering a birthmom that was giving birth that day, but she was wanting a lot of money from them. They knew that wasn't right or legal, yet they were tempted because they really wanted a baby. I told Deborah to keep me posted on their decision. Ellie wanted to call them that night, but I didn't want Ellie to get excited about this couple only to be let down again. I E-mailed them with a very brief questioning about their open adoption views, etc. They E-mailed me back and said as far as that goes, they'd be willing to send pictures once a year through an attorney, and help their child as an adult to find their birthparents. They also wanted to know more about Ellie's situation. Bummer, I thought. They feel very uneasy about open adoption, so maybe they aren't the ones either. I replied to them, and told them a little about Ellie.
In the meanwhile, they talked to Deborah.
We received a call from the Greens' that very night (they had gotten our number from Deborah), and Mrs. Green was ecstatic to say the least! She kept saying, "God is directing us to Ellie, I have never gotten a feeling so strong and so right as what we are feeling right now about Ellie." Our inquiry to them couldn't have come at a better time in their lives. They had declined the other birthmother right before she called us and said confidently that God didn't want us to go through with that, that God had someone else waiting for them. Also, after reading our E-mail and having a wonderful talk with Deborah, they had made a totally opposite turnaround about their feelings of open adoption. They would love to have Ellie as a new friend, and understood that Ellie had no interest in any kind of a co-parenting arrangement. Ellie was the birthmother they were longing for! She was from a strong Christian family, of their similar physical description, goes to college, has ambition, takes care of herself, and just everything! We arranged for them to come visit with us on Ellie's birthday just about 10 days later. Then I called and canceled our next appointment with the agency.
Our first personal visit with them was great! We saw their joy and Ellie felt such a calm peace within her. She knew this was the right couple for her baby. She bonded with them and knew they would provide for her little girl, the way that she would if she could. She anticipated seeing them at the hospital and possibly thereafter, because after all, they were now going to be a part of our extended family forever.
Ellie made a mistake. A sin of mankind. But God can take a bad situation and turn it into something good. Ellie had a baby...a creation of God's and God doesn't make mistakes. Ellie and I have grown so much closer in our relationship; we seldom argue and shout with each other. She opens up to me more, and we lean on each other. I can only hope that she learns from her experiences and pursues what God wants from her in her life. As for myself, I want God to help me to be a witness to others that find themselves in similar situations. I am truly blessed to be able to experience God's awesome workmanship of love and happiness.
For more information please read Let Go and Freedom. We encourage you to prayerfully consider registering with our service, and/or writing to us.
adoption@christianadoption.com
A non-profit Christian and Internet
service ministry. We're helping others in the adoption
process.
1.800.277.7006 620.251.4405
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www.christianadoption.com adoption@christianadoption.com
