A BIRTH GRANDMOTHER COUNSELS A TEEN & HER MOTHER ABOUT ADOPTION
This letter was written by a birth grandmother of one of our Christian Adoption couple's adopted baby.
All names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.
(Another successful adoption associated with Christian Adoption.)
Dear Cathy and Carla,
My name is Gayle and I am a grandmother. I am a grandmother whose very first grandchild was adopted. I truly, in my heart, believe that this, was and is, God's will. I am aware that you have not asked for my opinion. However, I KNOW that God is directing me to write you. You see, last year, we were in the same position that you are in now.
God, I feel, does not intend for babies to have babies. That is why the act of lovemaking should be saved for the marriage bed. The fact that it has happened outside of that does not make you a bad person. No one judges you for that. Least of all me, my child, the Macons or your aunt/sister. She loves you dearly and only wants what is best for all concerned. I know this seems like a lecture but I don't mean it to be at all. I just want you to understand why we chose adoption and consider it an alternative for you. Please read my whole letter. Just hear me out.
I was a young mother. My boyfriend married me. I was 18 and a freshman in college when I got married. I delivered my son 11 days after I turned 19. My life was not my own after that point. At that age, one plays house. You have no idea what it is like because you never have a chance to grow up and experience being an adult. You go straight from being a child to having a child. Both of us did not "grow up" together. We did those things at separate times. I did, immediately because of this life growing in me. Garey's came at a much later date. I often wish that I had chosen adoption over marriage. I love my husband and I can't imagine life without him, but we have struggled our whole married life. I mean STRUGGLED and there has been two of us. I think for Mike, that to have two established, financially, emotionally and spiritually minded parents would have been a better thing than what we were able to give him. We finally pulled ourselves up but it took almost 13 years. Those thirteen years were terribly difficult ones for my children. You see, you almost always have more children. It's a circle that doesn't seem to break. Adoption breaks the circle.
My college career came to a screeching halt at that moment also. It was imperative for Garey's to continue but not mine. I played at being a student. I would go to class, go to work, come home, make dinner, do the laundry, try to pay some attention to Mike and then fall in bed exhausted.
We lived on food stamps, in rent subsidized apartments, drove a car that someone else paid for, took an amazing number of any kind of jobs you can think of. One summer I shaved ice. I was the only one of the two of us that had a job and I only worked 9 hours a week. We lived on $27 for the whole week. We never received a welfare check because we were in college. I cannot describe to you how difficult this was. Both sets of parents helped out but it was no longer their responsibility. To this day, I have been unable to finish my degree. Maybe one day, but right now my children are my priority and Mike is in college. If he finishes in 4 years then that following August my second child will start. It never ends. Two years later Anson will finish and then Thomas will begin.
So....when Mike came to us and said that Ellison was pregnant, my whole life flashed before my eyes once again. I knew I did not want that for my son and I knew that God didn't want it for him either. We immediately suggested adoption, just like Lannie. We were treated like you have treated Lannie, as interlopers, as people who shouldn't have a say. My son was the baby's birth father and we were told this was none of our business. We persevered, however, and very quickly God answered our prayers by having many people come forward and extol the virtues of adoption and to even offer to adopt the baby. All were turned down, the Lord had the Macons in mind, but the seed was planted. God nurtured that seed and it began to grow. We did try to keep a low profile in the proceedings but Ellison did two very wonderful things for us. We (Mike and I) got to go on a prenatal visit with her and see Sarah on the ultrasound the day we found out her sex and she allowed Mike to choose between the final two adoption candidates. Mike wanted to be involved in every step, but that wasn't to be. Ellison and Mike had broken up before she found out she was pregnant. She had dated other people and now Mike was dating another young lady. Their lives had gone in different directions. It became a very tense and difficult time every time anyone got together. Tempers flared on occasion. It was a terrible time for all involved. Friends chose sides at school, I suffered in my job, I began to have migraines, my husband began to have to go away on his job more than ever. Satan used every opportunity he could find to fling his poisoned arrows at us. We prayed more than ever to bind him and to lead us in the path of God's will. I know that the adoption of Sarah was God's victory.
I felt, from the moment I saw her in Ellison's uterus on the ultrasound, that God had the Macons in mind for Sarah. I even saw them clearly in my mind. I was not surprised to see that they looked like I pictured them. God had shown me their faces. As far as we are concerned, the Macons have always been Sarah's parents, from the day of conception. I know that sounds strange, but doesn't God do strange things in all our lives?
We are all born-again believers in my family. That doesn't mean that we don't sin, it just means that we are forgiven. Another miracle that God has given us is the Macons. They allow us to be a part of Sarah's life. As I'm typing this I am looking at a picture of my granddaughter. She will grow up knowing that we are her grandparents, too. She'll call us Oma and Opa (German for grandparents) and we will be able to have a full grandparent relationship with her. Lynne and David have graciously offered this to us with the comment, "Isn't that just more people to love her?" This is something that you could have too. Parenting is hard. At 16 years old it is darn near impossible. Please, Cathy, think long and hard before you keep your little girl. You and your family could have the same kind of relationship with her that we have with the Macons. There are lots of people out there like them.
I'm going to close with this statement. I have been unable, up to this point, to meet the parents of my granddaughter, but I know them with all my heart, through God's love. We talk, E-mail, and Mike and Garey got to visit this summer when they were in America. I love them. Not just because of Sarah, but because of who they are. We have so much in common. God put them in our path for all of those reasons. I can hardly wait for the day when I get to see them face to face and tell them how much they have meant to our lives. They hold our most precious thing, our granddaughter, in their hands.
They are very special people. Maybe God has special people out there for you too. You will never know unless you look. Please just consider looking.
In Him,
Gayle Turner
For more information please read Requirements and Portions. We encourage you to prayerfully consider registering with our service, and/or writing to us.
adoption@christianadoption.com
A non-profit Christian and
Internet service ministry. We're helping others in the adoption
process.
1.800.277.7006 620.251.4405
Eddie & Deborah S. Hill P.O. Box 243 Coffeyville, KS 67337
www.christianadoption.com adoption@christianadoption.com
