CHRISTIAN ADOPTION: Assessing

ASSESSING YOUR OPTIONS

The adoption process is a roller coaster ride of emotional and mental challenges. If you recognize these challenges from the onset, then often you can be more objective and prepared in assessing your options.

As Christians, we should be seeking God's wisdom, guidance, and direction in all we do--adoption is no exception. All too often those desiring to adopt hold their heavenly Father's hand in the initial stages of trying to have biological children, clasp tightly to His hand while traveling the roads of infertility, and then implore His help while progressing to the adoption option. Once at the adoption door, many seek God's face, but not His counsel. The adoption process is loaded with options. Agencies, adoption attorneys, social services, state assisted facilities, facilitators, advertising (radio, newspaper, billboards, bulletins), personal contacts, the Internet, marketing/contacting resources, intercessors, Crisis Pregnancy Centers (CPCs), and contacting the church community. Yikes, where do you begin and what do you do? Perhaps, this list of objective questions to ask yourself will help in assessing these options. After each question, we have given you what we consider a classic example of what not to do (based on our own experiences). We made so many mistakes and perhaps we can help you avoid making some of the same (dumb) decisions!

1. Are you approaching this option with logic or emotion?

(Reacting to possibilities with a "knee-jerk" response might be considered an emotional response. There were several options offered to us that I was ready to "jump" on, but my husband was reticent and more logical. Ladies, here is one area of life that your heart strings are generally on your shirtsleeve, and your spouse's unpopular logical assessment is really needful. ASK your spouse for his HONEST opinion and move forward if you are in harmony. God is willing to talk to both of you and to guide both of you, but only one of you may be listening. Gentlemen, no matter how much you want to bless your wife with a child, stay logical and keep her feet planted on terra firma. Although you may not understand how deep her need is for a child--your loving support, objective sense, and daily encouragement is your greatest gift to her.)

2. Do you have references regarding this option, and have you done your homework investigating their integrity?

(This was by far the worst mistake we made--we did not "check out" those that we entrusted to help us in the adoption process. We trusted people and what they said without verifying their integrity and their reputation. We assumed that when people said they were Christian and would help us, that they were who they said they were and that they were honest. NOT TRUE! CHECK OUT EVERYONE THAT YOU EMPLOY IN YOUR ADOPTION QUEST. If they are legitimate, they'll withstand the scrutiny, and gain your respect--do this before you supply them with any of your adoption funds. BEWARE OF ANYONE THAT PROMISES A CHILD WITHIN A SPECIFIED PERIOD OF TIME--no one can control what birth parents will do--unless it is a form of child selling.)

3. Are you selecting to move forward with this option because you feel desperate?

(The adoption process is emotionally draining and mentally taxing. How well I remember the night we stayed up all night considering the adoption option of a child born with potential heart problems, a semi-drug addiction problem, unknown histories of the birthfather, and full knowledge that the birthmother was a drug addict throughout her entire pregnancy. We came to the conclusion that we were willing to adopt this special needs child, but every fiber of our beings said this was not what we were prepared to handle--we then knew we were desperate.)

4. Is the cost of this option within your budget?

(After spending a full year of daily effort and seeking to adopt, we began to consider options that were going to severely deplete not our adoption funds, but our personal savings. There is no doubt that adoption costs money--so does living. But as Christians, we might want to construct a financial framework for adoption costs. Does it really make sense to adopt a child into a bankrupt home? Does it glorify God to adopt a child on a credit card, a commonly accepted practice for most adoptions--domestic and international?)

5. Are you inspired to pursue this option or is your attitude--"What have I got to lose?"

(The adoption process can wear you down mentally. Many times we spent money and pursued options because it was a "last ditch effort" which is just short of giving up. Discouragement and disappointment can eat away at a person's ability to endure. However understandable that is, it is not spiritually true. With God's help and strength we can endure until we have the victory. We can keep our hearts in tune with Him and we can remain inspired. Tired we may become, weariness may try to overtake us, but with GOD on our side, we can win. Adoption is not for the faint of heart, but God never runs out of strength, grace, and mercy in our time of need--or any time.)

6. Are you leaping with emotion before you look with logic?

(Here is the same point as #1, just stated in another way. We have re-iterated it intentionally--need we say more?!)

7. If you do not gain any leads or contacts from the effort and funds that you expend will you quit or deeply regret your decision?

(We often used these criteria to determine whether or not to move ahead with an option. For instance, we seriously considered renting billboard space in a metropolitan city, others had done it with great success, why not us? But when we investigated the cost and considered the potential loss if we did not successfully adopt, we determined that the loss would be too great. Consider whether or not you can afford the financial loss, if you do not get the desired result. That is logical and sound thinking.)

8. Are you competing with another couple, family or person?

("Whoa" to the Christian that considers their brothers and sisters in Christ 'competition'. God's grace is sufficient each day for all of His children, He is able and willing to bless all of His children, and meet all of their needs. Other born again ones should not be considered 'competitors', but as family that we are to have the same care for one another. Each believer is responsible to walk upon God's Word each day, accountable before God--therefore, if you are walking the talk, there should be loving prayerful support for one another.)

9. Are you putting God in a box or trying to use a formula for adoption?

(God's ability to meet your needs is unique to your needs, your heart, and your life. Allow God to answer your prayers in His timing, in His perfect way and you will not be disappointed. How God works in one Christian's life to meet their needs is His prerogative. Submitting yourselves to God's way, which is higher than your way, requires humility and patience. If you are short on either, God can amply supply your need.)

10. Are you assuming that a second adoption will be just like the first adoption?

(A common mistake made by many is the assumption that God will work the same way in answering your prayers. God is God! He can deliver and answer your prayers in the way that is best for you. MOST of the time we don't know what is best for us. Humility before Him, confidence in His love, and continued trust in His ability will enable you to wait for His answer. Try to not limit how God can or will work in your heart and life. You are different now than you were prior to your first adoption. Your needs are different. Your household is different and your perspectives are different. Let God bless you and guide you.)

We encourage anyone that is pursuing adoption to place his or her confidence and trust in God's ability to deliver, not in what the world promises. God is faithful to hear the prayers of His people. He is able and He is willing. Often the challenge in assessing adoption options is to trust in God, and to wait for His answer and His guidance. With a humble heart we can successfully seek His face and enjoy the victory--the successful adoption of the perfect child for each of us, blessed by our great God.

For more information please read Waiting and Lena. We encourage you to prayerfully consider registering with our service, and/or writing to us.

adoption@christianadoption.com

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Eddie & Deborah S. Hill P.O. Box 243 Coffeyville, KS 67337

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